Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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