Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
