I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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