you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
