ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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