He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
