There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
