just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
