My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
