I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
