38 yer olds are good kisserssss
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
