He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
