dude i'm inner monologue high
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
