I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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