i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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