Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
