$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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