What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
In America we eat man semen.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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