News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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