She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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