Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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