Tell her she can't have a vagina
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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