The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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