We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A bitchslap is in order.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
