Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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