people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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