put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
