R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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