You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
