you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
