Pappa wants mamma naked
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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