I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
