i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
