Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
