I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
