OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I puked a lego.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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