My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
