Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
