I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
