Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
