I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
