I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
