I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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