I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
