dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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