the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
