I want to walk on stilts...naked
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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