I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
