I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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