R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
