I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
two words...techno handjob
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
