piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
