did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
