My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
