Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
